This country (United States of America) has a new leader…actually, it’s a leader and the person who bought him. Details about their relationship are not entirely clear but we know they are fascist and a racist, and they’re causing or going to cause death, suffering, and the end of the US democracy.
The German people are looking for someone to lead them through uncertain times and crises. They come up with wildly different ideas of who and what kind of leadership they want. This past weekend, 28% of German voters elected a “conservative” party that’s moved to the political right considerably over the last years. The CDU has adopted policy proposals and language from the party with the second most votes (20%). That party is observed by the (historically more … conservative) German intelligence because of “suspected rightwing extremism” and three of its state chapters have been officially designated as rightwing extremist groups.
Let’s call a duck a duck: The AFD are nazis.
It seems as if people in many countries want strong leadership, or maybe better: something that’s more like an illusion of leadership. They want someone with a strong conviction and easy answers, and they are willing to give into fascism and racism to get this “leader”.
Turns out, it’s not just “THEM”. I’m looking for leadership as well. I carry frustration and disappointment about leaders at work and in economy, in politics, even in artists. One of my favorite authors is very, very likely an abuser — I trust the victims more, especially when there is THIS much smoke. His ex-wife, an artist I also like, seems to have enabled and to some degree supported it. Also, turns out, she used the N-word in the name of art a bunch. *deep sigh*
My thought leaders disappoint me. The world is getting scarier and more dangerous. In my private life, 2025 will bring big changes.; life continues to change and wobble around me. Situations like this require self-confidence and safe spaces, but I feel abandoned. I need new leaders. Please? … Now!
A part of me deeply understands the need for strong leadership. LIFE WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE …THIS!
Digging into this feeling, I ask myself: Why do I feel abandoned? Is this my inner child that wants to be held and guided through this messy life? These questions almost make me feel compassion for all the followers of fascists who choose easy over complicated, fascism over democracy – as long as they’re not impacted themselves, which they of course will be, sooner rather than later.
SOMETHING, SOMETHING,…THE PRICE OF EGGS IS TOO HIGH! GIVE ME BACK CHEAP EGGS! OUR CHICKENS ARE TOO DIVERSE, EQUITABLE, AND INCLUDED! THAT’S WHY EGGS ARE SO EXPENSIVE!
But… back to me and my little life. I wonder who could lead me through my life changes this year, and, on a macroscopic level, the world of 2025. I can’t and will never be able to control others and the entire world. Life will forever be unpredictable, even if I lived alone in a cabin in the woods — miles and miles away from everyone else. My problems might be less complex there, until they wouldn’t be. For example, what if I need medical help? What if a storm knocks out power for days? What if I age and need caretakers? I might be able to ignore the world more, but, ultimately, change is inevitable. I’m bound to lose control at some point.
As I’m looking for someone to lead me around obstacles, to safe ground, and to a warm place, to shelter, to access to plenty of food, I can’t help but wonder if I’m unintentionally asking for someone to lead me up a cliff. A cliff where losing my footing and falling is inevitable. It sounds DANGEROUS, and it is. Flight, fight, or freeze are responses, valid ones actually. And following a leader is dangerous business, even on steady, even, flat ground.
I’ve learned through the last 20 years or so that the only way out of a situation is through it. Who gets me through all of this? The answer is short and complicated: me — I should know better than externalizing the task of charting my path(s).
But how do I avoid leading myself off the cliff?! Can I turn around? Can I get tools and learn the skills needed for a safe descent? Can I choose a path that mitigates risk as much as possible? Is there someone who can support me, without leading me off the cliff?
Maybe all I can do is move through the world with intent and determination: Putting one foot in front of the other. Looking into the distance regularly to see where I’m heading. Checking my compass and my map for direction. Reflecting if I want to keep going. Correcting my path as needed to align it with my intentions. Ultimately, nobody else can give me direction but myself.
The other day, I was sitting with my thoughts about resilience and leadership as I made my lunch:
I have food.
I have a home.
I have a job.
I have access to the knowledge of the world through the internet.
I can learn new skills if I want it.
I own combat boots to kick the nazis.
I can reach out to other wanderers in this crazy world.
This is not the worst basecamp to continue my journey and find my path as I’ll move and travel through areas where others choose to walk on fascist, racist, antidemocratic paths.